Kesha’s emotional essay that let’s us into to vulnerable side

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Last month Kesha penned down an emotional essay regarding the release of her latest album “Rainbow” along with the music video for the album’s title song.

These four years have been a really long, painful time for Kesha. She has been trying to free herself from the legal contract with Dr. Luke who was her mentor and producer. She alleged that he drugged, and sexually and verbally abused her while she was doing a recording with him at Sony. Although Sony has removed Dr. Luke from the company in 2017 April, the legal procedure dragged on for almost one complete year. It has seen her friends, colleagues, and even her mother dragged into the proceedings, which is unfortunately still ongoing on. However now Kesha’s latest album “Rainbow” is being released under the former label Kemosabe – a bittersweet triumph.

In the emotional personal essay, Kesha wrote for Refinery29, where she has described the other part of her wearisome journey which the general public is a little less privy to, her days in rehab.

Kesha scribbled in the essay that while she was in rehab for her eating disorder, “that had gotten wildly out of control,” she did not have any access to her phone and computer, and so she was unable to work. Kesha asked and even begged for the keyboard of any kind so that she could scribble out her emotions and process them. Later Kesha was allowed one hour each day to play on the keyboard, and thus the song and the album “Rainbow” came before us:

“Every day I sat there on the floor and played. This is how the song ‘Rainbow’ came to be. The whole album idea and tour and everything, came from me crying and singing and playing and dreaming until my hour was up and they took the keyboard away again. Every day I would just cry and play that song because I knew I had to get through that incredibly hard time. I knew I had to change and learn to take care of and love myself, and I had no idea how to even begin.”

She also scribbled:

“Rainbow” was the beginning. That song and the lyrics were a letter to myself promising that I was going to take care of myself going forward and that I was going to be okay.

“Since those difficult and emotional days in rehab, I started imagining that one day I would put out a new record and I would call it Rainbow. For a long time, I didn’t know if that idea was just a fantasy, a ghost to keep me waking up and actually getting out of my bed, or if it could actually come true. But I just held onto that idea because it was all I had. I just kept saying, “I’m gonna put out Rainbow, I’m gonna put out Rainbow. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna put it out. I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna do it.” This idea and the support I received from fans and total strangers is what helped me get up every day. I know that this album saved my life.”

The heart-wrenching essay explains that the concept of turning the “Rainbow” into an album had become Kesha’s main motive while she was in rehab:

“I just held onto that idea because it was all I had. I just kept saying, ‘I’m gonna put out Rainbow, I’m gonna put out Rainbow. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna put it out. I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna do it.'”

Kesha’s reminders of her goals that she had for herself, and the music album she wanted to make, became mantra-like for her.

Once Kesha left rehab she got back into the job. The singer also enlisted the help she received from Ben Folds who helped her to produce the song “Rainbow.” Together they created one of the Kesha’s most “un-Kesha-like” and touching songs till date. Actually “Rainbow”  is an ode to “self-love” and “overcoming obstacles”.

In her touching essay, Kesha described a line in “Rainbow” that probably best confines its meaning and her message:

“There’s a line in ‘Rainbow’ that I really love: ‘What’s left of my heart is still made of gold.’ I truly believe that.”

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